1)
Two terrorists were having a discussion in a bar!
Waiter : what's the discussion about?
Terrorist [1]: we are planning to kill 14000 people & a DONKEY.
Waiter : WHY YOU WANNA KILL A DONKEEEEYYYY?
Terrorist [2] says 2 the other one : see i told you na, no one cares about the people.
2)
FULLFORMS which are not known to many of US:
BUS: Break Under Stopping.
CHESS: Chariot, Horse, Elephant, Soldiers.
COLD: Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease.
Joke: Joy of kids entertainment.
Aim: Ambition in mind.
Date: Day and time evolution.
Eat: energy and taste.
Tea: Taste and energy admitted.
Pen: power enriched in Nib.
Nylon: New York London (manufacturers Name).
Smile: Sweet memories in lip expression.
Bye: Be with you everytime. :
3)
Teacher asked Santa in Maths class: What is 5 autorickshaw + 5 autorickshaw equal to?
..
..
..
..
..
Santa: Volkswagen (Das Auto)
Teacher fainted
4) Funny Oxymoron's:
(An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together)
Clearly misunderstood
Exact Estimate
Small Crowd
Act Naturally
Found Missing
Fully Empty
Pretty ugly
Seriously funny
Only choice
Original copies
&
the Mother of all
Happily Married
5)
Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two!
She gets so angry She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says, "your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them staying our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them :P
6)A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?
The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai!
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of
Heaven ...
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.
'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED'
"It's PERFORMANCE¬ POSITIONthat ultimately counts."
Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two!
She gets so angry She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says, "your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them staying our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them :P
6)A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?
The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai!
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of
Heaven ...
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.
'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED'
"It's PERFORMANCE¬ POSITIONthat ultimately counts."
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